Disappointment

Over the past year or so I have been bombarded with disappointment. Disappointment in friends, in family, in all sorts of things. As I have watchd self-destructive behavior rear it's ugly head to some of my dearest loved ones I have ached on the outside, while fighting the urge to shake them uncontrollably until they "get it" on the inside. Speaking Truth into several situations over the past 5+ years has be tough and has lead to the loss of friends and confidantes, but truly, the loss than stings the most, is witnessing the actions of these dear loved ones from the sidelines, having been pushed aside or deemed irrelevant, out-dated, or too conservative. As I watch as an outsider, feeling defeated and useless, I start to doubt. I start to doubt the effectiveness of my influence, the effectiveness of my Walk, my ability to speak Truth with conviction, and most recently, I have begun to doubt whether or not I will be a good parent. Sure, I make the Worlds Greatest Chocolate Chip Cookie (true statement, not an exaggeration according to Husband and others...) but what can I offer if I'm an ineffective witness for Christ? If it hurts this bad when friends and family are ignoring Truth, how much worse will it be if my own child turns their back on me and more importantly turns their back on their faith? I can't, an quite honestly don't want to, imagine...

This past week I have been able to set aside my doubt for something much greater. After talking with some of my Brothers and Sisters (thanks for your prayers by the way, obviously this was a quick turn-around time), Sunday it was all summed up for me in Lon's message about Caleb (yes, that's right...) where I was reminded, yet again, how big our God is (no wonder Caleb's story has stuck with me for so many years...) This concept has been with me through out my whole Christian walk and I wonder if it's something I will ever truly be able to grasp. All I know is that I absolutely LOVE being reminded of just how much God wants to bless us and how much of God's plan we cannot see because of our earthly "blinders".

"I may not know the future, but I know the One who holds the future."

I still love you, still pray for you, and I rejoice in God's sovereignty over all our lives.


PS - No where in Lon's message did he say anything about Caleb's "suspected weight issues". Don't worry, I made sure to point that out to Husband after the service 0=)